מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מלך חַי וְקַיָּם שֶהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְחֶמְלָה, רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶך I thank You, living and enduring King, for You have graciously returned my soul within me. Great is Your faithfulness (Modeh Ani)
Observant Jews start their days by reciting the traditional Hebrew prayer Modeh Ani. According to Jewish lore, every night when we go to sleep, our souls are taken back by G-d. For those who are granted another day to live, their souls are returned the next morning.
There is a story by Rabbi David Skulski recounting his uncle’s experience as an Auschwitz survivor. He quotes his uncle addressing him: “David, when I get up every morning and say Modeh Ani, I say it with a difference. In Auschwitz, I was as good as dead. I would wake up thinking, ‘How could I possibly survive another day?’ Just being able to say Modeh Ani was like receiving a new gift. David, remember—every day is a new gift.”
When I say that prayer, I recall the memory of my mom, whose prayers were honored for 90-plus years, until one day her soul was not restored in the morning. Was she thankful for every day during the Holocaust when she couldn’t even fathom what horrors the day would bring? I know from her testimony and diary that she prayed every day for the return of my father, even after she received the notice from the Red Cross that my father had “disappeared during war activities.” I know she was thankful for every day because she was determined to protect me, and she succeeded.
Every morning, I also think about my father, who had only 36 years to live. I do not know if he had a chance to say Modeh Ani on his last day, but I know from the postcards he sent, while he could, that he prayed daily. I know my stepfather, who was a secular Jew, survived Auschwitz and Mauthausen without saying any traditional prayers. One day, he gave me the US Army’s prayer book he received from the liberating US troops, but he never told us what it was like experiencing horrors and suffering day in and out. Was he praying for survival in his own words, as many non-observant Jews do when they are in dire situations?
Since October 7 of 2023, every morning, I recall the memory of the more than 1,200 victims of the senseless, murderous rampage of the Hamas terrorists in Israel. How many were thankful in the morning for their returned souls and never had a chance to say Modeh Ani one more time? I cannot fathom the pain of the parents, relatives, and friends of the victims. Can they honestly be thankful for a day when they have to live without their loved ones? My heart goes out to those who were captured and also to their families. I am sure that all those who know Modeh Ani find comfort and consolation in those few words.
In Hebrew, the words nefesh and neshamah both can mean “soul” or “breath.” How appropriate that one word describes both the air we breathe in, without which we have no physical life, and the soul, without which we have no reason to have a life.
I survived many difficult moments in my life before I learned Modeh Ani, nevertheless “my soul was returned,” in spite of all odds. When I recite my morning prayer, I am not only thankful for the coming day, but also for all the days of my life.
Remember—every day is a new gift from G-d!
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